Friday, May 8, 2015

The Mountains Are Calling And I Must Go



   I've liked this quote lately. To me it is a reminder to keep pushing myself towards all of the 'mountains' in my life. Losing my baby has been really hard. And with my son's 3rd birthday coming up, I being the weirdo that I am, am feeling sad because I had envisioned being pregnant for this event. I pictured Grayson blowing out his candles, while I had my little baby inside of me. I know my baby is still with me, but it doesnt make it hurt any less or the hurt go away. 
   I want this month to be a better month than last month. I want to grow from this and not let it destroy me. I know what I need to do to get to a better place, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know that this season of my life has just been a hard one. And I want to be a good mom for Grayson and really be present and there for him. 
   My weight is at an all time high since my initial weight loss. It's depressing but I also feel like it's just reflecting how hard things have been. I'm going to start waking up early for my runs again, I function better when I do this and get more done through out my day. I want to eat healthier as well, since that hasn't been on par lately... I just want to feel like myself again and not so sad. 
  I realize this post is a downer but it's hard trying to act like i am "okay" all of the time. Because honestly I am not okay sometimes and sometimes I am. And for a while that is just how it's going to be. 
  I am happy we are moving so we can have a new start and make new memories. I am thankful so much for Grayson and my husband. Our relationships have gotten even stronger because of this. I can't imagine a life without them. <3

Xoxo,
Brittany Marie Powell 

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